what if I die today?

Another sleepless night... (Sigh)

Must have too much on mind... (Sigh again)

Sudden thoughts:

“What if I die today?"

"What have I accomplished?"

“What will people think of me?"

“Have I been a good mother?" (I think of this quiet often, not really has anything to do with the rest)

 -.-"

What happen a few hours ago still haunted me...

My sister wanted to borrow a car from either me or my mom because she lent her car out to her roommate for weeks now. He needs a car to work; he just started this new job...

I told my sister I might need to use my car. (The truth is I am at home with two young kids, I feel more secure with a car around)

She called my mom again later. My mom told her she needed to use her car for her volunteer work. Then my mom turned around and asked me, if I am going to use my car. My mom added, "You get up late in the morning, you won’t need it in the morning then."

The main point to this situation is not about what time I get up. It is about why my sister needs to borrow a car when she has one.

If she thinks her friend is more important than herself, it is her choice, but I will not, I repeat, I will not support that idea.

I would rather keep my car in the garage then letting her use it. Even if my mom is going to get mad at me because she does not have the guts to say NO to my precious super star sister. If that is the case, then she can chose letting my sister use her car and not go to her volunteer work.

Eventually, everything comes down to choices...