<第六屆林榮三文學獎 小品文獎得獎作品輯10之2> 一天
◎陳麗珠
早上睜開眼，趁空腹吞兩顆藥。餵完魚，把熱水瓶和茶壺裡的剩水倒入冷水瓶，再裝自來水燒開。92歲的阿公和25歲的姊姊不喝白水，需熱水沖飲料。88歲的阿嬤喝溫水，兩個20來歲的兄弟及58歲的自己喝冷開水，一天需要整瓶熱水和一大壺冷水。
燒水時順便煮自己和阿公的早餐，同時洗堆滿水槽昨晚和今早的碗。餐後讓阿公服制尿酸和血壓的藥，再注意他的氣色臉色，要測血壓也要察心情。幫阿公穿襪子前先替他在腳上抹乳液。阿嬤早課誦經後吃齋餐，多泡杯可可給她補充養分，她的潤膚工作晚上睡前完成。
早餐時順便開電腦讀新聞和查信箱，餐前先把該解凍的肉拿出來。餐後得去超市，再去拿兩老的藥，每月一次，記在日曆上不能忘。出門前先把第一批衣服放進洗衣機，阿公不愛洗澡，阿嬤嫌他衣服髒要個別洗；男女生的衣服也不能混著洗。
買回來的菜分裝好擺冰箱，準備中飯和繼續洗衣同步進行。記得要阿公喝水，還要提醒自己在他生氣抗拒時不要煩躁。
先處理阿嬤的素食，再料理其他葷菜。菜刀、砧板和鍋子都要葷素分開，馬虎不得。阿嬤吃全素，蔥蒜不碰，弄錯了她不吃。阿公的痛風和高膽固醇忌高湯和高脂肪。兩老吃軟飯，年輕人吃Q米，兩個電鍋各自煮。下麵時先撈年輕人的Q麵，留兩老的久煮。阿公愛吃泡麵，注意調味包不能有濃縮的海鮮或肉汁粉。
飯菜上桌，手洗乾淨，水果洗切好放入冰箱，隨時可吃。飯後給阿公降膽固醇和軟便劑。下午2點阿嬤要回診，3點阿公要復健，時間要跟準，不能有閃失。出外前先洗清碗筷，免得年輕人回來看到杯盤狼藉的家。若不外出，要整理家人的醫療資料、銀行帳簿、付帳單、聯絡修理工，找時間熱敷自己的乾眼或陪阿公阿嬤聊天，他們記性不好，理解力差，要耐心傾聽，不要爭執或糾正。阿公喜歡上餐廳，阿嬤愛那家素食館，盡量一星期帶他們去一次。
晚餐人多菜雜。哥哥愛吃肉，弟弟只吃菜，他們口味重，要多放鹽；姊姊怕胖不吃飯，菜要淡。趁爐台還溫，隨手洗刷，徹底清潔擇日再做。地板、門窗、天花板、廁所、臥室等，待自己時間和精神足夠再分期清理。晚餐時間難得全家相聚，請年輕人關電視。
無名氏留在馬桶蓋邊的「史跡」已乾涸，先用刷子再用濕紙巾清理。年輕人漱洗後遺在鏡子、檯面上的水漬要擦乾，浴盆裡的頭髮和污垢須清除。睡前清垃圾，檢查門窗、燈火。給阿公軟便劑，讓阿嬤泡腳，術後的眼睛要蓋眼罩，注意膠帶別貼到眉毛，再給她一顆抗憂鬱的藥。
醫生說像我這種癌細胞可能隨時會回來，如果我不在，這些事你們會記得做嗎？ ●
9.11.10
7.11.10
另一蓝色的夜
我发现我在观看我妹万圣节表现时，大力地批评戏剧。 然后，我记得我的学生们在"Red Ribbon Week" 的戏剧。 评论家说它是没组织的…
这是可怕想法，许多其他想法进了头脑; 我从没做过一件让人深受接纳的事件…
现在我还与二位的朋友做生意…
若是…
下一次K.L.Ikea的简单的旅行和拜访在途中的时运夫人，我们也遇到了几个情况。
情况1.在高途中用光汽油!!
2个小时，在我们才开始了我们的旅途。
然后情况2，我错设置了GPS。设了Berjaya时间广场而不是KL广场。
在交通的另外2个小时才进入正确的车道…
情况3，因为我们迟到了，时运夫人不能以我们会面…
您也许问这与与观看我的妹的戏剧有什么关系？
问题是是我总是太热切终点线以至遗漏了很多细节和积累了许多差错。
因此，这是另一蓝色的夜，在想关于我做了的事，仍然推测如何使他们正确…
another blue night...
As I was watching my sister Halloween performance, I was criticizing the play. Then, I remember my students' play on RED RIBBON WEEK. Critics say that it was unorganized... Many other thoughts came into mind; I have not done anything that is well received...
you might ask what does any of this got to do with watching my sister`s play? The point is that I have always been too eager to get to the finish line, and have left out much detail and have accumulated many mistakes.
So, another blue night, thinking about what I have done wrongly and yet to figure out how to make them right…
THIS IS A SCARY THOUGHT, AS I JUST STARTED A BUSINESS WITH TWO FRIENDS...
WHAT IF... (-.-")
A simple trip going down to Ikea in K.L. and visit a fortune lady on the way back, we managed to run into several situations.
situation 1. run out of gas on the high way!!
It took close to 2 hours before we could get on the road and start our journey again.
Then situation 2, setting my GPS to the wrong hotel Berjaya time square instead of KL plaza.
Another 2 hours in traffic and getting into the right lane...
Situation 3, fortune lady missed her appointment because we were late...
you might ask what does any of this got to do with watching my sister`s play? The point is that I have always been too eager to get to the finish line, and have left out much detail and have accumulated many mistakes.
So, another blue night, thinking about what I have done wrongly and yet to figure out how to make them right…
25.10.10
我如果今天死了？
另一失眠的夜… (叹气)
太多的烦恼… (再叹气)
突然地想：
" 我今天如果死了？"
" 我完成了什么？"
" 人们将如何想我？"
" 我是一个好母亲吗？" (我经常认为这想，不真正及任何其他有关)
-。- "
几小时前… 我妹想向我或我的妈妈借用汽车，因为她把的汽车给借给她的室友。她的室友刚开始了这新的工作需要汽车 …
我告诉了妹，我也许需要用车(真相是我在家及二个孩子，汽车让我感到安全) 。随后，她再问我的妈妈。 我的妈妈告诉她，她需要为她义工使用她的汽车。 然后，我的妈妈来问我，如果我使用我的汽车。 我的妈妈补充说， " 你午前都不起床，早晨不会需要它"
对这个情况的，主要不关于我什么时候起床。 而是为什么我妹需要借用汽车。 如果她认为她的朋友重要比她自己，那是她的选择。但是我不会，我重复，我不会支持那个想法。
我宁可保留我的汽车在车库也让不会借它。 即使我的妈妈对我生气。 因为我妈她没有胆量对我珍贵的超级星妹说“不”。 如果那是实际情形，则她可以选择了让我的妹使用她的汽车而不去她的义工。
最终，一切都是人的选择…
what if I die today?
Another sleepless night... (Sigh)
Must have too much on mind... (Sigh again)
Sudden thoughts:
“What if I die today?"
"What have I accomplished?"
“What will people think of me?"
“Have I been a good mother?" (I think of this quiet often, not really has anything to do with the rest)
-.-"
What happen a few hours ago still haunted me...
My sister wanted to borrow a car from either me or my mom because she lent her car out to her roommate for weeks now. He needs a car to work; he just started this new job...
I told my sister I might need to use my car. (The truth is I am at home with two young kids, I feel more secure with a car around)
She called my mom again later. My mom told her she needed to use her car for her volunteer work. Then my mom turned around and asked me, if I am going to use my car. My mom added, "You get up late in the morning, you won’t need it in the morning then."
The main point to this situation is not about what time I get up. It is about why my sister needs to borrow a car when she has one.
If she thinks her friend is more important than herself, it is her choice, but I will not, I repeat, I will not support that idea.
I would rather keep my car in the garage then letting her use it. Even if my mom is going to get mad at me because she does not have the guts to say NO to my precious super star sister. If that is the case, then she can chose letting my sister use her car and not go to her volunteer work.
Eventually, everything comes down to choices...
26.6.10
我对生活太认真？
兄弟姐妹们回家吃饭。我们都在谈论和开玩 笑。我的 第二个妹妹提到，我与我的儿子回家给我最小的妹妹带来了悲伤。就在这时，我最小的妹妹在她眼中流了泪水。感到内疚，我问她是不是我的错。我的第二个妹妹声称他们只是在开玩 笑，我也太认真考虑了。
那天晚上，我的第二个妹妹来到我的房间与我谈话。 不过谈话后，我觉得比以往任何时候更加孤独和困惑。她告诉我，不要把事情看得太重。她说，人不同，生活不同，他们的态度也会不同。她继续说，她和我弟弟继续花我父亲的收入唯一的原因，，是因为爸爸能负担得起。这一点，我困惑。我对生活太认真，因为我关心我的父母 对我的想法？我对生活太认真，因为我希望我的父亲可以随时退休，而不是为了支持他已长大了的孩子们？我 对生活太严重，是因为我关心我最小的妹妹`的感情吗？
可能是我把对和错误看的太 重...
那天晚上，我的第二个妹妹来到我的房间与我谈话。 不过谈话后，我觉得比以往任何时候更加孤独和困惑。她告诉我，不要把事情看得太重。她说，人不同，生活不同，他们的态度也会不同。她继续说，她和我弟弟继续花我父亲的收入唯一的原因，，是因为爸爸能负担得起。这一点，我困惑。我对生活太认真，因为我关心我的父母 对我的想法？我对生活太认真，因为我希望我的父亲可以随时退休，而不是为了支持他已长大了的孩子们？我 对生活太严重，是因为我关心我最小的妹妹`的感情吗？
可能是我把对和错误看的太 重...
Am I taking life too seriously?
Brother and sisters came home for dinner. We are all talking and joking. My second sister mentioned that my coming home with my sons has created some grief for my youngest sister. Just then, my youngest sister had tears in her eyes. Feeling guilty, I asked if if were my fault. My second sister claimed that they were just joking, and that I am taking things too seriously.
Later that night, my second sister came into my room to have a talk with me, yet after the conversation, I felt more lonely and confused than ever. She told me, not to take things too seriously. She said many people run their life differently and that they might present their attitude differently. She continued saying the only reason she and my brother continue to live on my father`s expense is because he is able to afford it. This and a few other statements still confused me. I am taking life too seriously because I care about how my parents think about me? I am taking life too seriously because I want my father able to retire when he wishes instead of supporting his grown children? I am taking life too seriously when I care about my youngest sister`s feeling?
May be I am taking right and wrong too seriously...
Later that night, my second sister came into my room to have a talk with me, yet after the conversation, I felt more lonely and confused than ever. She told me, not to take things too seriously. She said many people run their life differently and that they might present their attitude differently. She continued saying the only reason she and my brother continue to live on my father`s expense is because he is able to afford it. This and a few other statements still confused me. I am taking life too seriously because I care about how my parents think about me? I am taking life too seriously because I want my father able to retire when he wishes instead of supporting his grown children? I am taking life too seriously when I care about my youngest sister`s feeling?
May be I am taking right and wrong too seriously...
21.6.10
及我丈夫的信
我的爱，
我很难过听你说你感到孤单。另一方面，我感觉很好，听你说你想念我们。你说得对，听到对方难过生活很痛苦，因为我们 都希望另一方生活得更好。在马来西亚的生活，非常缓慢但很肯定的是有进步。我想你的生活也是一样的。但一旦您开始您的部署，它将会变得更容易一 些。至于我们在马来西亚这里，一旦 我们搬进新房子，生活将变得更加容易。事情将会开始变化，我敢肯定。
亲爱的，我们都需要为着我 们分手之前成立的目标努力工作。这是说起来容易，做难。有多少个夜晚，我只是呆呆地看着电脑，希望听到你的话或看到你 在Facebook上。你要知道，即使你总是听我在我们的谈话抱怨， 但每次谈 话之后，事情总变得更好。举例来说，布鲁斯已不吃奶嘴好几天；我昨天9点等布鲁斯睡觉后又再次念书；我也要求这几天把就有测试； 我的父母都同意把爸爸的诊所装修，这样我可以把二楼作为一个咨询办公室；妈妈已同 意帮我每天几个小时顾孩子让我开始去工作。
我相信你也会怀疑我们的决定，但我认为长远来看这将 有回报的。当然，这一开始并不容易，但当我 们的家人在一起，事情将变得非常容易了。我们都好等待这一天的到来！
你的爱
我很难过听你说你感到孤单。另一方面，我感觉很好，听你说你想念我们。你说得对，听到对方难过生活很痛苦，因为我们 都希望另一方生活得更好。在马来西亚的生活，非常缓慢但很肯定的是有进步。我想你的生活也是一样的。但一旦您开始您的部署，它将会变得更容易一 些。至于我们在马来西亚这里，一旦 我们搬进新房子，生活将变得更加容易。事情将会开始变化，我敢肯定。
亲爱的，我们都需要为着我 们分手之前成立的目标努力工作。这是说起来容易，做难。有多少个夜晚，我只是呆呆地看着电脑，希望听到你的话或看到你 在Facebook上。你要知道，即使你总是听我在我们的谈话抱怨， 但每次谈 话之后，事情总变得更好。举例来说，布鲁斯已不吃奶嘴好几天；我昨天9点等布鲁斯睡觉后又再次念书；我也要求这几天把就有测试； 我的父母都同意把爸爸的诊所装修，这样我可以把二楼作为一个咨询办公室；妈妈已同 意帮我每天几个小时顾孩子让我开始去工作。
我相信你也会怀疑我们的决定，但我认为长远来看这将 有回报的。当然，这一开始并不容易，但当我 们的家人在一起，事情将变得非常容易了。我们都好等待这一天的到来！
你的爱
A letter to my hubby.
My Love,
It was hard for me to hear you say you felt alone. In another way, I felt good to hear you say you miss us. You are right, it is hard to hear each other bitch about life because we both want the other person to feel better. Life in Malaysia is coming together, very slowly but surely. I have a feeling your life is the same, and that it will be little easier once your start your deployment. As for us over here in Malaysia, life will get easier once we move into the new house. Things will start rolling then, I am sure.
My dear, we both need to work towards the goal which we set before we parted. It is easier said than done. There were many nights, I just stare at the computer hoping to hear from you or see your words on Facebook. Mind you, during our conversations, even though you always hear me complain; every time, after talking to you, things do get better. For examples, Bruce is off his pacifier for several days now; I started studying again yesterday after putting Bruce to bed at 9 p.m.; I have also requested to take my test this couple of days; my parents have agreed to fix up dad`s clinic so that I could use his second floor as a counseling office; mom has agreed to take care of the babies while I go to work couple hours a day to start with.
I am sure you have doubts about our decisions as well, but I do think it will pay off in the long run. Of course, it will not be easy at first, but things will get a lot easier once our family are together again. We all can`t wait for that day to come!!
Yours love
It was hard for me to hear you say you felt alone. In another way, I felt good to hear you say you miss us. You are right, it is hard to hear each other bitch about life because we both want the other person to feel better. Life in Malaysia is coming together, very slowly but surely. I have a feeling your life is the same, and that it will be little easier once your start your deployment. As for us over here in Malaysia, life will get easier once we move into the new house. Things will start rolling then, I am sure.
My dear, we both need to work towards the goal which we set before we parted. It is easier said than done. There were many nights, I just stare at the computer hoping to hear from you or see your words on Facebook. Mind you, during our conversations, even though you always hear me complain; every time, after talking to you, things do get better. For examples, Bruce is off his pacifier for several days now; I started studying again yesterday after putting Bruce to bed at 9 p.m.; I have also requested to take my test this couple of days; my parents have agreed to fix up dad`s clinic so that I could use his second floor as a counseling office; mom has agreed to take care of the babies while I go to work couple hours a day to start with.
I am sure you have doubts about our decisions as well, but I do think it will pay off in the long run. Of course, it will not be easy at first, but things will get a lot easier once our family are together again. We all can`t wait for that day to come!!
Yours love
19.6.10
凌晨02时，我仍然在写博客...
我已开始这真坏 的习惯就是凌晨2 点写博客，或盯着电脑 看。有时候，我已在美国的丈夫通过Skype谈谈。其他时间， 我任何事都没做。我多次问自己，为什么我熬夜盯着电脑。我仍然不知道为什么，但有一点我知 道，当我盯着电脑，我多么希望生活能有所不同。我希望我能醒来在我的丈夫身旁。我希望觉得生活是充满目的 和每天早晨忙碌的准备工作。我希望我有闲的安排度假，或何甚至只是不需要等别人才能到杂货店购物。
但是，现在，我的生活是不断的照顾许多小事情。例如，何时重新我的儿子的签证'？何时新房子 会准备好？何时停用我的专业执照？何时取消对Netflix的帐 户？何时完成我的测试？何时买车？何时买电话？什么时候买打印机吗？我何时能够工作？哪里可以找到我的孩子的幼儿园？在哪里，何时，什么，以及如 何种种？？？
我多么希望生活能简单...
但是，现在，我的生活是不断的照顾许多小事情。例如，何时重新我的儿子的签证'？何时新房子 会准备好？何时停用我的专业执照？何时取消对Netflix的帐 户？何时完成我的测试？何时买车？何时买电话？什么时候买打印机吗？我何时能够工作？哪里可以找到我的孩子的幼儿园？在哪里，何时，什么，以及如 何种种？？？
我多么希望生活能简单...
2 a.m., I am still blogging...
I have started this really bad habit which is blogging and staring at the computer at 2 o` clock in the morning. Sometimes, I get to talk to my hubby who is in the states through Skype. Other time, I just do nothing. I asked myself many times, why am I staying up late just to stare at the computer. Still I am not sure why, but one thing I do know is that when I stare at the compute, I wish life could be different. I wish I would be able to wake up with my husband next to me. I wish to wake up and feel like life is full of purpose and I were rushing to work. I wish I have the leisure to plan for a road trip, or a vacation, or when to do my grocery shopping without have to wait on others.
However, right now, my life is only full of to continuously taking care of many little things. i.e. When to renew my sons` visa? When will the new house be ready? When to deactivate my professional license? When to cancel an over due Netflix account? When to take my test? When to get a car? When to get a phone? When to get a freaking printer? When will I be able to work? Where to find a nursery for my babies? Where, when, what, and how???
How I wish life could be simple...
However, right now, my life is only full of to continuously taking care of many little things. i.e. When to renew my sons` visa? When will the new house be ready? When to deactivate my professional license? When to cancel an over due Netflix account? When to take my test? When to get a car? When to get a phone? When to get a freaking printer? When will I be able to work? Where to find a nursery for my babies? Where, when, what, and how???
How I wish life could be simple...
13.6.10
June 14th, 2010 @ 1:22 a.m.
Today, after seven days of unable to contact each other, I get to talk to hubby online. We talked for 30 whole minutes. However, sadness was even greater after the conversation. Apparently, keeping myself busy was my way to cope with my feeling of missing him. After talking to him, my tears would not stop running.
For the past months, I stopped myself for thinking about my future without him or not able to contact him. Yet, when the truth sets in, it feels terrible. Now, I deeply sympathize with my clients who chose denial, ignoring, or keeping self busy as coping skills, because when pain is too great to process, those techniques were good ways of delaying pain.
For the past months, I stopped myself for thinking about my future without him or not able to contact him. Yet, when the truth sets in, it feels terrible. Now, I deeply sympathize with my clients who chose denial, ignoring, or keeping self busy as coping skills, because when pain is too great to process, those techniques were good ways of delaying pain.
28.4.10
April 28th - New order is in...
Today, my husband's new order is finally finalized. He is going to Lemoore, California which is his last choice. Suddenly, the pressure of moving is upon me. I knew all these time that I will be leaving Japan, but today, the truth has set in.
27.4.10
First day of blogging
29 more days...
I will be moving back to Malaysia, which I left since 1996. I started my overseas life from China, then U.S, Japan, and now back to Malaysia. It is like going a full circle.
Too much thoughts and feelings about moving back to Malaysia and the past 14 years, so I decided to start a blog writing down all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences.
I hope you will also share your thought and feelings with me...
I will be moving back to Malaysia, which I left since 1996. I started my overseas life from China, then U.S, Japan, and now back to Malaysia. It is like going a full circle.
Too much thoughts and feelings about moving back to Malaysia and the past 14 years, so I decided to start a blog writing down all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences.
I hope you will also share your thought and feelings with me...
CoCo Curry House.
My favoraite Curry place: CoCo Curry House
The funnest thing:
Various spiciness level, highest level I have tried level 3. Hot Hot HOT!
Salad
Curry Pork chop
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