26.6.10

我对生活太认真?

兄弟姐妹们回家吃饭。我们都在谈论和开玩 笑。我的 第二个妹妹提到,我与我的儿子回家给我最小的妹妹带来了悲伤。就在这时,我最小的妹妹在她眼中流了泪水。感到内疚,我问她是不是我的错。我的第二个妹妹声称他们只是在开玩 笑,我也太认真考虑了。
那天晚上,我的第二个妹妹来到我的房间与我谈话。 不过
谈话后,我觉得比以往任何时候更加孤独和困惑。她告诉我,不要把事情看得太重。她说,人不同,生活不同,他们的态度也会不同。她继续说,她和我弟弟继续花我父亲的收入唯一的原因,,是因为爸爸能负担得起。这一点,我困惑。我对生活太认真,因为我关心我的父母 对我的想法?我对生活太认真,因为我希望我的父亲可以随时退休,而不是为了支持他已长大了的孩子们?我 对生活太严重,是因为我关心我最小的妹妹`的感情吗?

可能是我把对和错误看的太 重...


Am I taking life too seriously?

Brother and sisters came home for dinner. We are all talking and joking. My second sister mentioned that my coming home with my sons has created some grief for my youngest sister. Just then, my youngest sister had tears in her eyes. Feeling guilty, I asked if if were my fault. My second sister claimed that they were just joking, and that I am taking things too seriously.
Later that night, my second sister came into my room to have a talk with me, yet after the conversation, I felt more lonely and confused than ever. She told me, not to take things too seriously. She said many people run their life differently and that they might present their attitude differently. She continued saying the only reason she and my brother continue to live on my father`s expense is because he is able to afford it. This and a few other statements still confused me. I am taking life too seriously because I care about how my parents think about me? I am taking life too seriously because I want my father able to retire when he wishes instead of supporting his grown children?  I am taking life too seriously when I care about my youngest sister`s feeling?   
May be I am taking right and wrong too seriously...

21.6.10

及我丈夫的信

我的爱,

 
我很难过听你说你感到孤单。另一方面,我感觉很好,听你说你想念我们。你说得对,听到对方难过生活很痛苦,因为我们 都希望另一方生活得更好。在马来西亚的生活,非常缓慢但很肯定的是有进步。我想你的生活也是一样的。但
一旦您开始您的部署,它将会变得更容易一 些。至于我们在马来西亚这里,一旦 我们搬进新房子,生活将变得更加容易。事情将会开始变化,我敢肯定。
亲爱的,我们都需要为着
我 们分手之前成立的目标努力工作。这是说起来容易,做难。有多少个夜晚,我只是呆呆地看着电脑,希望听到你的或看到你 在Facebook上。你要知道,即使你总是听我在我们的谈话抱怨, 但每次谈 话之后,事情总变得更好。举例来说,布鲁斯已不吃奶好几天;昨天9点等布鲁斯睡觉后又再次念书;我也要求这几天把就有测试; 我的父母都同意把爸爸的诊所装修,这样我可以把二楼作为一个咨询办公室;妈妈已同 意帮我每天几个小时顾孩子让我开始去工作
我相信你也会
怀疑我们的决定,但我认为长远来看这将 有回报的。当然,这一开始并不容易,但当我 们的家人在一起,事情将变得非常容易了。我们都好等待这一天的到来!

 
你的爱


A letter to my hubby.

My Love,

It was hard for me to hear you say you felt alone. In another way, I felt good to hear you say you miss us. You are right, it is hard to hear each other bitch about life because we both want the other person to feel better. Life in Malaysia is coming together, very slowly but surely. I have a feeling your life is the same, and that it will be little easier once your start your deployment. As for us over here in Malaysia, life will get easier once we move into the new house. Things will start rolling then, I am sure.
My dear, we both need to work towards the goal which we set before we parted.  It is easier said than done. There were many nights, I just stare at the computer hoping to hear from you or see your words on Facebook. Mind you, during our conversations, even though you always hear me complain; every time, after talking to you, things do get better.  For examples, Bruce is off his pacifier for several days now; I started studying again yesterday after putting Bruce to bed at 9 p.m.; I have also requested to take my test this couple of days; my parents have agreed to fix up dad`s clinic so that I could use his second floor as a counseling office; mom has agreed to take care of the babies while I go to work couple hours a day to start with.
I am sure you have doubts about our decisions as well, but I do think it will pay off in the long run. Of course, it will not be easy at first, but things will get a lot easier once our family are together again. We all can`t wait for that day to come!!

Yours love 

19.6.10

凌晨02时,我仍然在写博客...

我已开始这真坏 的习惯就是凌晨2 点写博客,或盯着电脑有时候,我已在美国的丈夫通过Skype谈谈。其他时间, 我任何事都没做。我多次问自己,为什么我熬夜盯着电脑。我仍然不知道为什么,但有一点我知 道,当我盯着电脑,我多么希望生活能有所不同。我希望我能醒来在我的丈夫身旁。我希望觉得生活是充满目的 和每天早晨忙碌的准备工作。我希望我有闲的安排度假,或何甚至只是不需要等别人才能到杂货店购物
但是,现在,我的生活是
不断的照顾许多小事情。例如,何时重新我的儿子的签证'?何时新房子 会准备好?何时停用我的专业执照?何时取消对Netflix的帐 户?何时完成我的测试?何时买车?何时买电话?什么时候买打印机吗?我何时能够工作?哪里可以找到我的孩子的幼儿园?在哪里,何时,什么,以及如 何种种???
我多么希望生活能简单...


2 a.m., I am still blogging...

I have started this really bad habit which is blogging and staring at the computer at 2 o` clock in the morning. Sometimes, I get to talk to my hubby who is in the states through Skype. Other time, I just do nothing. I asked myself many times, why am I staying up late just to stare at the computer. Still I am not sure why, but one thing I do know is that when I stare at the compute, I wish life could be different. I wish I would be able to wake up with my husband next to me. I wish to wake up and feel like life is full of purpose and I were rushing to work. I wish I have the leisure to plan for a road trip, or a vacation, or when to do my grocery shopping without have to wait on others.
However, right now, my life is only full of to continuously taking care of many little things. i.e. When to renew my sons` visa? When will the new house be ready? When to deactivate my professional license? When to cancel an over due Netflix account? When to take my test? When to get a car? When to get a phone? When to get a freaking printer? When will I be able to work? Where to find a nursery for my babies? Where, when, what, and how???

How I wish life could be simple... 


13.6.10

June 14th, 2010 @ 1:22 a.m.

Today, after seven days of unable to contact each other, I get to talk to hubby online. We talked for 30 whole minutes. However, sadness was even greater after the conversation. Apparently, keeping myself busy was my way to cope with my feeling of missing him. After talking to him, my tears would not stop running.
For the past months, I stopped myself for thinking about my future without him or not able to contact him. Yet, when the truth sets in, it feels terrible. Now, I deeply sympathize with my clients who chose denial, ignoring, or keeping self busy as coping skills, because when pain is too great to process, those techniques were good ways of delaying pain.   

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